Thoughts on Voyeur…

The other night DH and I watched the Netflix documentary Voyeur about the publication of the Voyeur Hotel book.  The thing that really struck me was how shocked the Voyeur was about people hating what he did.  The author reminded the Voyeur that he came to the author to tell his story and be a pioneer, a hero, someone who was brave enough to fight the social norms.  As I watched it, it hit me.  This guy thought everyone secretly wanted to spy on people having sex but weren’t as smart as he was since he did it.  He thought people would admire his willingness to act on the desire he knew they all had.  It never occured to him that other people found his desires repulsive, he saw his desires as normal.

Usually when I write a blog, I have a point in mind when I start.  I think in this case, it’s trying to purge an image from my head. I remember watching Voyeur and seeing an expression.  Just a flash where it hits him, what I did may not be everyone’s secret desire.  Many time in coaching, we help others see that they aren’t alone, there are others who feel what you do.  In this case, it’s the opposite. What you are feeling is not what everyone else is feeling. 

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Choices for the next WIP to work on…

I am hours away from finishing Fruit Bell Pull by Teresa Wentzler.  I probably won’t finish it tonight but it will be finished tomorrow.  I have only a little backstitching and the border on the last block left.  That means it’s time to pick the next project or decide to move to an active rotation.

Being the data geek that I am I have multiple options when I sort my spreadsheet. If I go with the oldest projects I’m looking at Pegasus started in 1982.

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OR Rainbow Unicorn started in 1983

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or if I stick with Cross-stitch Dragon Ride from 2000

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If I sort by Percentage complete, I’m looking at the Dr. Who Quilt
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Or The French purse kit I inherited from my Grandma
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If I go with projects with the fewest remaining stitches. Those would be Tempest and Ecology
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Or I go with the Carousel Horses which are on the highest count fabric and my eyesight is going. (Summer is the closest to complete)
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It’s a good thing that I have an evening to decide what to work on next.

However, suggestions are appreciated.

What’s wrong with this picture? 

When I was 13, I wanted brand new skis for Christmas.  I discovered freestyle ballet the year before and wanted shorter skis.  My brother discovered moguls and wanted skis for that.  We both got new skis.  The day after Christmas the family went sledding.  We had steel runner sleds on a closed road.  There was an S curve in the road following the steepest hill. I made the first curve and hit a tree when I didn’t make the second turn.  The tree was actually a good thing since it kept me from going over a precipice into a creek.  I ended up with a fractured tibia, fibula, displaced kneecap, and spiral fracture of the femur.  The femur fracture resulted in the placement of 3 screws (with washers).  I never did use the new skis.  My brother became an alternate for the US Olympic Freestyle team going to Calgary when freestyle was an exhibition sport.

Fast forward 7 years, and I’ve got a lump in my knee that really hurts when it gets bumped.  Turns out one of the screws is working its way out of the bone.  I schedule surgery between Spring and Summer semesters.  They remove the screws but leave the washers. It’s supposed to be an outpatient surgery on Thursday.  Friday afternoon when I finally wake up in the hospital, the anesthesiologist tells me to warn future anesthesiologists that I’m a redhead.  As for recovery, Sunday after surgery I drove 45 minutes from Holladay to Provo so I could start classes on Monday.  I vaguely remember being on crutches for 3 weeks and I don’t remember any physical therapy.

So here we are many years later and one of the washers has broken loose and has moved to where it jammed my knee open at least twice.  Tomorrow I go in for surgery to remove all three washers (maybe) depending on how deep in the bone they are buried.

This leads me to some side behaviors that have come to light because of this event.  When I was given the choice of surgery dates I took the day before Thanksgiving since it was the least disruptive. However, this meant I was not going to be able to cook Thanksgiving dinner.  I asked my husband to cook Thanksgiving.  He’s a chef.  I was thinking something really cool would be on the menu, instead he started talking about open face turkey sandwiches and I unconsciously started wanting to do things my way.  Without thinking, I kept making remarks which showed I wanted control of dinner.  As many times as I preach delegation without micromanagement to my coaching clients, I was failing miserably.  I apologized to my husband and I have stepped back.

The other thing was a challenge I gave another coaching client.  She has so much going on and I challenged her to say yes to the next three people who offered her help.  My sister called tonight and asked if she could help me with anything post surgery.  My first inclination was to say no, but then I remembered the challenge I gave.  I accepted not only dinner but asked if she could find the water chestnuts that seem to be sold out at the stores around me.

It was fun to have what I share with others apply to me. I’m glad I recognized it though.

Saving things for later is another form of procrastination

For Mothers Day my husband gave me a gift basket which included a bath bomb.  I had never had a bath bomb before but it looked like a larger version of the bath cubes I used to have which took forever to dissolve.  In my mind, I planned to save it for later.  Save it for a time when I would take a really long soak.  

Today I finished a fantastic leadership/public speaking course called leadership from the heart.  My feet were sore, my voice was shot, I was physically drained and still on an emotional high.  I realized this would be the perfect time for that long soak in the tub.  I turned on the water and dropped the bath bomb in.

It was a bomb, alright! There was a plop and a POP!  The bath bomb exploded and the scent of wildflowers filled the room. 

I realized that I had mistaken what the gift really was.  I had preconceived notions which limited my desire to use it.  I thought it was going to fizz and take a long time to dissolve.  Instead, it was quick and because I was not mindful in the moment of it’s use, I missed seeing it explode, I heard it and saw/smelled the result. 

Since I was still in that coachable mindset, I saw the parallels.  How many times have I procrastinated things thinking that they would be long, arduous processes?  What if that was incorrect thinking?  What if things things I’ve been thinking are big hairy monsters are actually cute little puppies run through my scary filter? How many times have I missed things because I was not fully present in the moment? 

Even worse, how many times have I judged people from things in my past experience instead of who they are really?  How many times have I stopped seeking to understand based on something they said or did that triggered me?  And turning that around, how many times have others stopped listening to me because they judged me?  

To end on a lighter note, I will definitely be getting more bath bombs and using them frequently. 

Hubby cooking at Masonic temple

 Need suggestions for jeans

My favorite pair of jeans lost the button today.

The bad part is all my other jeans are designed for 4 inch or more heels and I’m not wearing heels on the first day of ComicCon.

And it turns out Jag has dropped everything but the elastic band jeans.  So I need suggestions for new jeans, what do you like?

Something to meditate on

Let us choose to engrave our traumatic life experiences on our hearts and use them as reference points to better understand what others are experiencing. In so doing, there is finally, and I mean finally, purpose in our suffering, joy in our journey as walls come down and cooperation floods out, and ultimately, much needed healing in our soul.
The Observer’s Chair
Dave Blanchard

Help!  I’m losing my geekiness…

Question posted on Facebook:

I have been playing video games since the late 70’s and a month ago I threw my Xbox 360 away. I’m not interested in watching Star Trek like I use too. I’m not sure what to do if anything. Does anyone else feel like they’re losing their geekiness? 

My Answer:

​Have you been listening to people who say “it’s good you’re finally growing out of that phase?”  

Resist them. It may simply be that you need a new fandom.  I’ll confess that I like a lot of fandoms but I would never win a trivia contest in any of them.  Sometimes we have to “do adulting” which limits our free time, it doesn’t make us any less geeky.  It’s just a matter of taking care of life and new priorities.

Look around you right now.  Who are the top 5 people you hang out with?  Are any of them geeky?  If not, did you outgrow your geeky friends? What are the things those 5 like to do?  Have those things become your new interests? Do you like the new you that hanging with these people is creating?  I phrase it this way because we tend to act like the top 5 people we spend the most time with.  If none of your top 5 has a geekdom, well that may be a contributing factor. 

Another thought, if you aren’t playing video games or watching Star Trek – what are you doing? Does it make you happy? Is it productive? If it’s making you a better person, then it may be that the geekiness is just on hiatus until you accomplish this growth spurt.  If it isn’t making you happy, then why are you doing it? 

I don’t have any real answers for you, only questions to ask yourself.  But if you answer these and still don’t have any clues to where the geekiness went, either PM me on facebook or leave a comment here and we’ll continue the conversation.  If they do help, well then Live Long and Prosper.

A month of Being

What would a month of just being look like to you?
Just so you know, several things have converged and given me some ideas which are crystallizing.  I started a Year to Clear and have been following the facebook group, someone mentioned that since they started clearing and just focusing on being good things have been happening such as finding a flat in their price range in a seaside town where they always dreamed of living.  

Another thing is that Paul Blanchard offered an incredible deal on the Og Mandino group Power coaching sessions which I signed up for and I re-read Greatest Salesman and Greatest Miracle again. 

I volunteered at DevOps days and gave a workshop on the power of using Kanban with WIP limits to accomplish projects and I finally read The Phoenix Project. Like others on the DevOps board, it rocked my world and the paradigm has shifted.

Through the ComicCon Fitness Challenge, I met Dr. Sarah and was introduced to Geek Parenting Podcast. 

If you don’t see the relation of these items, it’s okay.  I see it, but it’s brought me to a realization.  I need to take a month and just BE.  No grand plans, no actions, no anticipation.  I need to evaluate and focus on the state of me and learn to BE. To focus on the moment. To reflect and not act. 

 

Thought for today 

So the universe is not quite what you thought it was. You’d better rearrange your beliefs then, because you certainly can’t rearrange the universe. –Isaac Asimov