Friday night, I got to go with my Dad to a museum gala because his Aunt Florence and Uncle Ted were receiving recognition. I love Aunt Sis. She’s one of my favorite Aunts. She was one who taught me about canvas and tapestry and the importance of legacy and how to make pickles although mine aren’t near as crispy as hers.

Part of the gala was an unveiling of the new works of art that the museum acquired during the year. One of the pieces, Exchange #8, hit me so hard. It’s a symbolic piece on the Atonement and the scripture in Isaiah that says, “Though your sins be as scarlet they will be white as snow.”

I just stood in front of it until my father pulled me away.

On a purely personal side, I made a connection that is fascinated in my husband’s ability to do tintype and glass plate photography.

Total unselfishness is sure to accomplish another factor in successful marriage. If one is forever seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, the love found in courtship and cemented in marriage will grow into mighty proportions. Many couples permit their marriages to become stale and their love to grow cold like old bread or worn-out jokes or cold gravy. Certainly the foods most vital for love are consideration, kindness, thoughtfulness, concern, expressions of affection, embraces of appreciation, admiration, pride, companionship, confidence, faith, partnership, equality, and interdependence.”

Spencer W. Kimball

It reminded me of one of my favorite J.D. Salinger quotes:

Marriage Partners are to serve each other, love, honor but above all serve.

Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenter.

Do you or your loved one have a Literary Abuse Problem? Take this test and find out! How many of these apply to you?

01. I have read fiction when I was depressed, or to cheer myself up.
02. I have gone on reading binges of an entire book or more in a day.
03. I read rapidly, often ‘gulping’ chapters.
04. I have sometimes read early in the morning or before work.
05. I have hidden books in different places to sneak a chapter without being seen.
06. Sometimes I avoid friends or family obligations in order to read novels.
07. Sometimes I re-write film or television dialog as the characters speak.
08. I am unable to enjoy myself with others unless there is a book nearby.
09. At a party, I will often slip off unnoticed to read.
10. Reading has made me seek haunts and companions which I would otherwise avoid.
11. I have neglected personal hygiene or household chores until I have finished a novel.
12. I have spent money meant for necessities on books instead.
13. I have attempted to check out more library books than permitted.
14. Most of my friends are heavy fiction readers.
15. I have sometimes passed out from a night of heavy reading.
16. I have suffered ‘blackouts’ or memory loss from a bout of reading.
17. I have wept, become angry or irrational because of something I read.
18. I have sometimes wished I did not read so much.
19. Sometimes I think my reading is out of control.

If you answered ‘yes’ to four or more of these questions, you may be a literature abuser. Affirmative responses to seven or more indicates a serious problem.

Once a relatively rare disorder, Literature Abuse, or LA, has risen to new levels due to the accessibility of higher education and increased college enrollment since the end of the Second World War. The number of literature abusers is currently at record levels. The numbers, however, are declining with the public education changing its focal point from the basics of learning to social engineering.

SOCIAL COSTS OF LITERARY ABUSE
Abusers become withdrawn, uninterested in society or normal relationships. They fantasize, creating alternative worlds to occupy, to the neglect of friends and family. In severe cases they develop bad posture from reading in awkward positions or carrying heavy book bags. In the worst instances, they become cranky reference librarians in small towns. Excessive reading during pregnancy is perhaps the number one cause of moral deformity among the children of English professors, teachers of English and creative writing. Known as Fetal Fiction Syndrome, this disease also leaves its victims prone to a lifetime of nearsightedness, daydreaming, and emotional instability.

HEREDITY
Recent Harvard studies established that heredity plays a considerable role in determining whether a person will become an abuser of literature. Most abusers have at least one parent who abused literature, often beginning at an early age and progressing into adulthood. Many spouses of an abuser become abusers themselves.

OTHER PREDISPOSING FACTORS
Fathers or mothers who are English teachers, professors, or heavy fiction readers; parents who do not encourage children to play games, participate in healthy sports, or watch television in the evening.

PREVENTION
Pre-marital screening and counseling, referral to adoption agencies in order to break the chain of abuse. English teachers in particular should seek partners active in other fields. Children should be encouraged to seek physical activity and to avoid isolation and morbid introspection.

“DECLINE AND FALL: THE ENGLISH MAJOR”
Within the sordid world of literature abuse, the lowest circle belongs to those sufferers who have thrown their lives and hopes away to study literature in our colleges. Parents should look for signs that their children are taking the wrong path–don’t expect your teenager to approach you and say, “I can’t stop reading Spenser.”

By the time you visit her dorm room and find the secret stash of the Paris Review, it may already be too late. What to do if you suspect your child is becoming an English major:

1. Talk to your child in a loving way. Show your concern. Let her know you won’t abandon her–but that you aren’t spending a hundred grand to put her through Stanford so she can clerk at Borders, either. But remember that she may not be able to make a decision without help; perhaps she has just finished Madame Bovary and is dying of arsenic poisoning.

2. Face the issue: Tell her what you know, and how: “I found this book in your purse. How long has this been going on?” Ask the hard question–“Who is this Count Vronsky?”

3. Show her another way. Move the television set into her room. Introduce her to frat boys or sorority girls.

4. Do what you have to do. Tear up her library card. Make her stop signing her letters as ‘Emma.’ Force her to take a math class, or minor in Spanish. Transfer her to a Florida college.

You may be dealing with a life-altering problem if one or more of the following applies:

* She can tell you how and when Thomas Chatterton died.

* She names one or more of her cats after a Romantic poet.

* Next to her bed is a picture of: Lord Byron, Virginia Woolf, Faulkner or any scene from the Lake District.

Most important, remember, you are not alone. To seek help for yourself or someone you love, contact the nearest chapter of the American Literature Abuse Society, or look under ALAS in your telephone directory.

I just found out about the book signing on Friday and bought our ticket for the line at that time. We ended up being 256 and 257 in the line. They had over 700 people. But, you see, Lemony Snicket was unable to make it because he was at a picnic and when he raised his hand and a poisonous crocodile attacked him in the armpit. He was paralyzed from the armpit down. Daniel demonstrated the dance that Mr. Snicket did in an attempt to reach the theatre. This of course illustrates the 1st most important lesson you should learn – – NEVER RAISE YOUR HAND.
If your teacher asks for volunteers to answer a question, protect yourself, and don’t worry about your grade.

Now since we all know that the poisonous crocodile was sent by Count Olaf – the 2nd lesson you should all learn is IF YOU SEE COUNT OLAF, COUNT TO ZERO, SCREAM, AND RUN. This should be a self evident – which in this case means needing no explanation.

Now if anyone read Lemony Snicket’s unauthorized Autobiography, they would know that he lost his 3rd best accordion in a house fire following a masked ball. He did, however, loan Daniel his 2nd best accordion which is red. The one which was destroyed was blue. Please note the difference. However, with the help of 2 volunteers from the audience (and what kind of parent would let their 2 precious girls follow a man whom they know nothing about) we are able to prove the 3rd most important lesson. IF YOU SQUEEZE ANYTHING HARD ENOUGH, IT WILL EVENTUALLY MAKE A NOISE. An accordion is proof of this law of nature.

Mind you since Lemony Snicket only sent his legal representative – Daniel Handler, an author of books that are NOT for children – the signed copies are actually an imprint that reads – from the Library of Lemony Snicket.

All in all a great evening, we were at the auditorium from 4 pm to 9:30 pm. I feel sorry for those who were the later numbers (they were still selling tickets at the door in the 700’s at 9:30.

So this morning my 12 year old gets on the wrong bus, and ends up lost on his way to school. (I had to drive in to pick him up leaving the 9 year old to get his own breakfast).
The dog ate the croissants (on the 9 year old is just blaming it on the dog).
I didn’t have time to make my own lunch.
I filled the truck last night and today the station is down almost 10 cents a gallon.
As I dropped him off at school, the 9 year old confesses that he has a test on the states rivers and lakes today and we didn’t study last night.
As I approached work, they are doing roadwork and they weren’t going to let me in the office.
Once I did get to work, I tripped up the stairs.
My office door was locked and there is no key (thank goodness for co-workers with a juvenile record).

Why does this seem to be the appropriate beginning of the day since the boys and I have tickets to see Lemony Snicket speak tonight.

What an incredible woman. Many of you think that she was just a working black woman who was too tired to move. But did you know that she was working as an organizer in a civil rights organization and got lucky enough to have the perfect opportunity to practice what she preached thrust upon her.
But enough of her early life… Let’s talk about the work she did on improving education for minority children. This really came to the forefront when two young black men broke into her apartment, beat her up and robbed her at gun point. When the community turned on them because they beat up Rosa Parks, they responded with “Who? She’s just an old lady.” These young men had no clue about the sacrifices that were made to give them more rights (I can’t really say equal because the economically depressed of any race are not accorded the rights of the wealthy, mainly through their own ignorance of them).
What’s even sadder is that Rosa and her Husband had founded an educational foundation to help people bring themselves up. A fitting tribute for her would be to donate to her foundation….

That it’s so hard to wake up the first day after a vacation?

That when you can sleep in the kids wake up early but when they have to get up for school they can’t drag themselves out of bed?

That all the urgent life shattering crises at work occur the moment you decide to take a day off?

That waking up the day after a vacation is so hard?

That the kids always get up early on the day that you have to sleep in but won’t wake up when they have to be someplace like school?

That all the urgent life shattering crisis issues at the office occur the day that you finally take a day off?

I believe in evil. I believe that all things have an opposite. If God is real then so is the devil. I was thinking on the nature of the universe the other day, as I do occasionally, and came to a conclusion. Selfishness, not money, is the root of all evil. The more Satan can convince people to put their own wants and needs before the needs of others or before the will of the Divine, the more he wins. The more we focus on what we want, rather than what we can do to further the will of God, the farther we draw from God. Thank goodness for the grace the Atonement of God’s Son provided for us. Works alone will never get us to God but it is by our works that we demonstrate to others that we have accepted God and Christ into our lives.

Which flock do you follow?

this quiz was made by alanna