Hurt feelings – – real or imagined.

My husband worked for Don Busath Photography. Don and his family are considered some of the best portrait and wedding photographers in the state. When I got married Don offered to shoot my wedding at staff costs (it would have been a $500 gift which in 1987 was HUGE). My dad said that even the staff cost was too expensive and he hired a different photographer. Don was hurt and insulted that his competition got the contract and his relationship with DH really cooled. It really hurt DH who had turned to Don so many times when he needed a father figure.
What really hurt is when my younger sister used Busath Photography for her wedding. Don had retired but my dad paid Drake’s full price (not even having a staff photographer shoot it). DH saw it as a rejection of himself as a son in law. After all, if a discount at Busath was too much for us but full price was good enough for my sister either my parents hated me or they hated him. The even stranger part is that when I got married, my parents were in a better financial place but I had to watch every penny. I did my entire wedding for less than what my next sister spent on her dress. I know I should just let it go and chalk it up to the experience of being the oldest. I probably should have stood up to my dad and demanded that they accept Don’s present. But then part of the reason that I still work for the family business is that I’ve never stood up to Dad and I still accept every guilt trip he hands me. It’s easy to say get away from family when I’m talking to others and see situations that are worse than mine and, in a way, I am more distant in my relationship with my family than the other siblings are with each other. I can’t change the past, and I’m not sure I want to change the status quo. But I need to let go of the past hurt and just smile next month when Drake is shooting pictures at the next wedding.

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