So who is the decider in your group?

I’m hearing the term “the decider” on the radio, at the opera, on the train, and in many conversations. From what I can tell, it’s the new catch-all buzzword for “that pushy person in the group who always has to have things her way.” My in-laws would tell you that I’m a decider. My co-workers would tell you I’m not.
My in-laws were the type of people who discussed options to death without ever reaching a conclusion. The first day of our Disneyland trip was murder. We sat in the center square for almost an hour trying to decide where to go next. Finally the kids started complaining that they were hungry so I took them to Gephetto’s Grotto in Fantasyland for hot dogs and drinks. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law complained the whole time but they still ordered and then while they were debating things, I took my kids on the Fantasyland rides.
After a discussion with my husband about how Disneyland held such horrible family memories that he tried to erase by bringing our kids there, I decided that we weren’t going to sit and talk for hours while the kids got bored. But, I wasn’t going to be all bad either; I would do whatever my sister in law wanted to do. I learned quickly that it didn’t matter what I did, just the fact that we were doing anything made them upset. It’s funny that my brother-in-law thanked me as I headed out to Pirates of the Caribbean (SIL picked, I said, “Sounds good, lets go!” and started walking in that direction. I would agree with whatever the first proposal was and head out. Finally my MIL told me to stop it, she was tired of always doing whatever was suggested first, she wanted to debate things not do them. It was at that point that my SIL turned to her and said, “No wonder we never rode this many rides and the day ended with you and Dad fighting.” Don’t you love watching someone have an epiphany?
Now at work, I’m not a picky eater and so many other people are so I always let them select the restaurants for lunch. I’ve also learned that no matter what restaurant I pick, someone will either hate it or have a food allergy so even when I make a suggestion, I usually end up retracting it. In some ways, this common courtesy ends up making me look like a wuss. But when it comes to food, it doesn’t matter as long as I get some so the decision isn’t that important. Maybe the only time I’m a decider is when the decision is important? But then again, I would have to debate that for awhile…

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1 Comment

  1. Susan

     /  May 16, 2006

    Wow, you’re more patient than I am. I would have lasted all of 10 minutes before I would have taken charge. It’s Disneyland! It’s for the kids to have fun, not for the adults to debate things to death. Good grief!I agree with you on the food thing. Not something to argue about. I’ll find something I can eat just about anywhere.


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