In The Deep Dark Hours After Midnight

Besides being from one of my favorite filking albums, the song describes my thoughts many times in the middle of the night when I’m the only one awake in the house, the heat is off, the birds covered and the beagle keeps looking up at me with his, “aren’t you going to bed yet so I can get in the garbage” eyes. But I need less sleep than the rest of the family which is why I’m up and they’re not. I guess I should be concentrating more on finishing the taxes but I’m down to 2 accounts left to go and the accountant has tomorrow’s holiday off even if I don’t. I haven’t been to any of the holiday fabric sales and they are good. 1.99 bolts, $1.00 fat quarters and 10% off finish the bolts cuts at Quilts, etc. and JoAnn’s has a 10% off entire purchase, sale and non-sale items. Maybe it’s because I’m doing the taxes and realizing what I spend in stash during the year would take my family on a nice vacation. It’s a drop in the bucket compared to the photo expenses but I could justify those by saying they are a business startup, if it was treated more like a business and less like a hobby that may pay for itself someday.
I read blogs today and felt a bit melancholy at how few had my blog listed but then, why should they list mine when I don’t list theirs? I think what hurts is my own perception that some of the people I really admire can’t stand me and don’t respond when I do drop them a line to tell them how much I care. But again, it could just be February talking.
So I stand here mired in my own fear, wondering should I really contact someone I only know online but admire her skill about a paid job that I need in a rush. Is the amount that I can afford to pay an insult to her skill? Would she even respond to me since I’ve heard rumor that she despises me? But then again, the face she puts out on line would never despise anyone. So is this my own insecurity talking. When I pray about it, the answer I get is that this is one of those small things left to my discretion; it doesn’t matter in the eternal scheme. There is someone local who would do the work free but is notorious for not being timely. So here I sit in the deep still hours after midnight, wondering.

*After Midnight is on Harpers, Heralds, and Havoc.

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3 Comments

  1. Autumn

     /  February 20, 2006

    You know, in a case like that, the best thing you can do is extend the invitation for the job you need. If she ignores you, that’s her problem not your’s. What’s the worst that could happen?

    Reply
  2. Glenda

     /  February 20, 2006

    What Autumn said!And for the record, I really hate comments like this but I’m trying to make more comments to let others know I enjoy their blogs and Autumn has already said it much better than I could have. 🙂

    Reply
  3. Darla

     /  February 21, 2006

    It’s February. And I’m working on getting more blogs that I read listed in mine. :blush

    Reply

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