A dangerous report (of a most unfortunate event)

I just found out about the book signing on Friday and bought our ticket for the line at that time. We ended up being 256 and 257 in the line. They had over 700 people. But, you see, Lemony Snicket was unable to make it because he was at a picnic and when he raised his hand and a poisonous crocodile attacked him in the armpit. He was paralyzed from the armpit down. Daniel demonstrated the dance that Mr. Snicket did in an attempt to reach the theatre. This of course illustrates the 1st most important lesson you should learn – – NEVER RAISE YOUR HAND.
If your teacher asks for volunteers to answer a question, protect yourself, and don’t worry about your grade.

Now since we all know that the poisonous crocodile was sent by Count Olaf – the 2nd lesson you should all learn is IF YOU SEE COUNT OLAF, COUNT TO ZERO, SCREAM, AND RUN. This should be a self evident – which in this case means needing no explanation.

Now if anyone read Lemony Snicket’s unauthorized Autobiography, they would know that he lost his 3rd best accordion in a house fire following a masked ball. He did, however, loan Daniel his 2nd best accordion which is red. The one which was destroyed was blue. Please note the difference. However, with the help of 2 volunteers from the audience (and what kind of parent would let their 2 precious girls follow a man whom they know nothing about) we are able to prove the 3rd most important lesson. IF YOU SQUEEZE ANYTHING HARD ENOUGH, IT WILL EVENTUALLY MAKE A NOISE. An accordion is proof of this law of nature.

Mind you since Lemony Snicket only sent his legal representative – Daniel Handler, an author of books that are NOT for children – the signed copies are actually an imprint that reads – from the Library of Lemony Snicket.

All in all a great evening, we were at the auditorium from 4 pm to 9:30 pm. I feel sorry for those who were the later numbers (they were still selling tickets at the door in the 700’s at 9:30.

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